Let’s face facts folks, turkey is bad. I’m not talking about the Eurasian nation formerly known as the Ottoman Empire, I’m talking about the dry ass bird that white people seem to crave this time of year. You might be one of the people saying, “well technically it really depends on how you brine it or what kinda stuffing it has inside.” Listen to yourself, you sound like some kind of candy corn apologist.
Dumb people will try to convince you that this holiday has origins of community and trust, it doesn’t. Those stories of colonizing Europeans sitting down for a meal with local indigenous populations never sat right with me, and they became harder to reconcile when I later learned the truth about how colonizers treated and continue to treat natives.
Find something to be thankful for, today and everyday, that’s just good practice. But I reckon we can stop associating modern celebrations with anything the pilgrims did.
Side Items
Elon Musk took time out of his super hardcore busy day of coding to tweet, delete, and then vaguely clarify that the #staywoke movement was actually born of nothing. The world’s wealthiest bottom-feeder went so far as saying that the police killing of Michael Brown, which had residents of Ferguson in the streets for months, was actually a non-issue, cleared up by the Justice Department. Apparently police mistreating people of color is fiction, #staywoke y’all
What exactly does one do with a 67 pound goldfish? You toss it back in the water of course! Can you imagine this monster brushing up against your leg while you’re wading around with your buddies in the Champagne region of France? Imagine minding your own business while the largest goldfish you can imagine is hunting you. Personally I would never set foot in a body of water larger than a bathtub after that kinda trauma
World Cup Recap
Japan made Germany look like some straight up fools, scoring twice in the final 15 minutes to secure a surprising 2-1 victory and throwing an unforeseen wrench in Die Mannschaft
Spain treated Costa Rica like it was still the 1500’s, in arguably the most one-sided match so far. The Spaniards had them boys running ragged, with no idea how to start playing defense. The final score was 7-0, but it honestly could’ve been 10. Los Ticos are looking like early contenders for Frauds of the Tournament
Belgium and Canada played a thrilling back-and-forth match, with Canada failing to capitalize on an early penalty. Meanwhile, Belgium managed to slip a goal in just before halftime and spent the entire second half staunchly defending against a Canadian front line that was equal parts coordinated and unlucky
In the wee hours of this morning, Switzerland and Cameroon battled it out, with Breel Embolo scoring the game’s only goal for the Swiss. Coincidentally, Embolo was actually born in Cameroon, but chose to play for Switzerland and his reaction to scoring against his birth nation could best be described as remorseful
Currently Uruguay are battling South Korea, who started a back line entirely composed of men named Kim. We’ll see if it’s possible for the Kim’s to hold Uruguay in check
Portugal take on Ghana: Ronaldo’s first World Cup game in 2022 is particularly interesting given his recent “mutual decision” to depart his club team. With Germany and Argentina already dropping points, we’ll see if Portugal can live up to their pre-tournament hype
Brazil finish the day’s slate of games against Serbia: Brazil’s attacking options are definitely going to score goals, but can their aging defense keep from conceding them?