Thursday, March 9: Breaking News: Cops are... Bad??
This just in! The guys carrying assault weapons are not on our side
According to a recent investigation by the US justice department, the police force in Louisville, Kentucky has routinely discriminated against Black residents, used excessive force, and conducted illegal searches. This may come as a shock to anyone who’s never had an encounter with police. These findings follow a probe initially prompted by the murder of Breonna Taylor by cops in 2020.
Unsurprisingly, the probe found a wide-ranging pattern of misconduct by police, including using dangerous neck restraints and police dogs against people who posed no threat, as well as allowing the dogs to continue biting people after they surrendered. Sound familiar?? The investigation also found that the police used aggressive tactics selectively against Black people, who comprise approximately a quarter of Louisville residents, as well as other vulnerable groups, such as those with behavioral health challenges.
"I don't even know what to say today. To know that this thing should never have happened and it took three years for anybody else to say that it shouldn't have."
-Tamika Palmer, mother of Breonna Taylor
Louisville police cited people for minor offenses like wide turns and broken taillights, while serious violent crimes like sexual assault and homicide went unsolved. They also used minor offenses as a pretext to investigate unrelated criminal activity. Some of these scumbag officers even filmed themselves insulting people with disabilities and describing Black people as "monkeys". The justice department also found that officers quickly resorted to violence, although I’m not really sure we needed an investigation to learn that.
Surprise, cops were the bad guys all along! Journalists like Cerise Castle have been covering similar stories for years, at great personal cost. Shining a light on the criminal behavior of those claiming to “protect and serve” us is necessary to improve our understanding of the role police play in modern society. The truth about policing in this country needs to be told, whether it’s a justice department investigation or a podcast about the origins of the gangs that comprise the Los Angeles Sheriff’s Department.
Side Items
Sunny D (The D Stands for Danger): The most popular children’s drink of 1996 has decided it’s all grown up now. Sunny Delight is entering the liquor aisle with its own take on an adult beverage, joining the likes of Mountain Dew and other soft drinks as they try to capitalize on the growing market of adult children
Local Turtle Hospitalized: Mitch McConnell, the widely-reviled senator from Kentucky, was hospitalized last night after taking a tumble at the Waldorf Astoria in Washington, DC. It’s much easier to get injured from a simple slip and fall accident when you lack a spine, as McConnell does. While I don’t make an effort to pray on anyone’s downfall, I won’t be in a hurry to send up thoughts or prayers for the 81-year old bigot, who also happens to be the longest serving republican member of the senate
Ronald “Guantanamo Guard” DeSantis: The republican presidential hopeful and current governor of Florida previously spent time as a naval officer stationed at America’s favorite local torture destination, Guantanamo Bay. DeSantis came away from his time at Gitmo advocating for the camp to remain open and convinced that its inhabitants were terrorists at a time when hundreds of detainees were being released by a republican president after years of imprisonment and without ever facing charges. The details of DeSantis’ involvement are unclear, but it’s likely that this man was in the room while inmates were force-fed until they were sick