An old Arabian proverb says, “He/she who plays clown games, shall win clown prizes.”. Indeed this sage wisdom could’ve been useful to Alex Jones, the scumbag conspiracy theorist/gay frog whistleblower. If you recall, there was a tragic elementary school shooting in 2012 in Sandy Hook, Connecticut that took the lives of 26 people, including 20 school children. For reasons that remain unclear, Alex Jones used this tragedy as a launching point for his skepticism & general conspiratorial thinking, claiming the shooting was a “hoax” that never took place. What’s worse, Jones harassed the mourning parents of these poor children, calling them “crisis actors” and engaging in all sorts of the worst kinds of clown behavior. Obviously the parents did NOT respond well to being told their dead children weren’t real, so they sued Jones for defamation to the tune of ~$150 million.
(Now for the good part)
The trial has been ongoing, and yesterday a bombshell was revealed, as the attorney representing the Sandy Hook parents produced texts from Alex Jones’ cellphone that show he lied and withheld key evidence. Perhaps you’re wondering how the opposing attorney got access to Jones’ phone data, and this is where the old proverb comes in.
“Mr. Jones, did you know that 12 days ago, your attorneys messed up and sent me an entire digital copy of your entire cellphone with every text message you’ve sent for the past two years? You know what perjury is, right?”
Mark Bankston, lawyer of Sandy Hook parents/deliverer of clown prizes
The messages were allegedly shared by mistake, but as a non-lawyer, I feel like this is a mistake even I could avoid. What’s worse for Jones is that his communication records could prove vital in a few other ongoing court cases, including the committee investigating the January 6th insurrection/Duck Dynasty cosplay parade. The coming days and weeks will reveal just how screwed Jones may be, but here’s hoping he gets everything he deserves; a prize worthy for only the clowniest of clowns.
UN Secretary General Antonio Guterres thinks it’s immoral that energy companies are making so much money. "This grotesque greed is punishing the poorest and most vulnerable people, while destroying our only common home, I urge all governments to tax these excessive profits, and use the funds to support the most vulnerable people through these difficult times." He urged the governments, because that’s really all he can do, urge. Powerless beta soy boy organization
The NFL (worst league on the planet) is appealing the six-game suspension of Deshaun Watson, who we reported had inappropriate sexual allegations from at least 24 women. The NFL is asking for an indefinite suspension for the quarterback. To be clear, the league that frequently overlooks credible assault and abuse allegations thinks that Watson deserves harsher treatment. Yikes
The winner of the Mega Millions Jackpot was finally revealed, and it’s…(Scooby Doo mask reveal)…the IRS?!?!? The jackpot, advertised as worth $1.28 billion, actually results in about $433.7 million after taxes, with the IRS taking up to 37% up front, to say nothing of what a lottery winner pays back in taxes. Thank God I’m not a gambling man