The heartfelt tributes and the hilarious memes are still flooding the timeline, as the world reacts to news of a 96-year old doing the only thing 96-year olds are known to do. I’d link a few of my favorites, but there are truly too many to count. I wait for no person’s downfall, but I rest easy knowing the timeline will have an absolute field day whenever Henry Kissinger’s crusty ol’ warmonger ass kicks the bucket.
Moral of the story: Live your life in such a way that when you pass on, people don’t laugh at your fashion sense or call you an imperial relic capable only of destruction and exploitation. Do the best you can with what you have, and if what you have is reign over the British empire, for God’s sake either dissolve the monarchy or die quickly.
Side Items
Frail little Charles is all grown up! As a grown man with a shred of dignity, I can’t call you king when you inherit the crown at 70+ years of age. All it would’ve taken is a little determination and a spoonful of Hot Cheetos dust and you could’ve ended this queen long ago sir, but clearly you lack ambition
Probably nothing, but New York declared a state of emergency to bring awareness to the ongoing public health crisis. Not Covid, not even monkeypox this time, we’re talking about Polio babyyyy! Yes, this terribly destructive virus has been detected in wastewater samples in Nassau County, but given our long history of appropriately handling viral outbreaks, I’m sure we’ll be fine
Our young king Frances Tiafoe (the only royalty I recognize) caught a tough break last night, losing in the US Open semifinals after five thrilling sets to Spanish teenager Carlos Alcaraz. Alcaraz now has a chance to win his first Grand Slam title and also possibly secure the number one professional ranking in the world