The Defense Department in this country has failed its fifth consecutive financial audit, unable to account for more than half of its assets. According to the Pentagon’s comptroller, Mike McCord, 1,600 auditors combed through DOD’s $3.5 trillion in assets and $3.7 trillion in liabilities, and officials found that the department couldn’t account for about 61% of its assets. ~$2 Trillion unaccounted for seems to be business as usual for these bozos.
“I would not say that we flunked. The process is important for us to do, and it is making us get better. It is not making us get better as fast as we want.”
-Mike McCord, but also me after another failed attempt at making my own Doritos
I’m sure it’s nothing to be concerned about, trillions of dollars of weapons, ammunition and vehicles unaccounted for. As someone who recently adopted the adult behavior of budgeting, I understand the struggle to account for every dollar. Fortunately for me, my missing money was probably just spent on snacks and gundams, not falling into the hands of dangerous characters around the world.
World Cup Recap
Qatar made history once again, becoming the fastest host nation to ever be eliminated from the World Cup. I highly doubt we’ll ever be seeing the Qatari team make another appearance at the tournament. One day people will learn that all the oil money in the world can’t buy talent and guarantee success, unless of course we’re talking about Manchester City, where they’ve been doing it for years
The USA and England played a soccer match so boring yesterday that the Queen herself ascended from her eternal resting place (hell) to let them know how bad it was. For ~95 minutes, these two teams played cagey, defensive football, afraid to make mistakes and apparently afraid to take chances as well. The closest opportunity was a shot that struck the crossbar from the Lebron James of soccer. As a fan of the West’s continued imperial decline, it was a delight to see these global superpowers struggle to string together passes. As a fan of the beautiful game, it was ~95 minutes that would’ve been better spent napping
The Netherlands and Ecuador played to a 1-1 draw, moving both teams one step closer to the knockout stages
The Soccerroos beat Tunisia early this morning for their first World Cup win in 12 years! I’m sure it’ll be a nice consolation prize on their flight back to Australia
Currently, Poland are hanging on to a 1-0 halftime lead against an over-inflated Saudi side. Saudi fans saw their team beat Messi and Argentina and immediately forgot that their team isn’t actually very good. Personally I’m praying on their downfall