Friday, March 31: Meaningless Charges
When you’re a star, they let you do it. You can do anything...like go to jail
Somewhere, Hillary Clinton is sipping adrenochrome with a smug little smile on her pasty face. The same clowns who spent years gleefully chanting, “Lock her up!” are now seething with rage at the way the tables have inevitably turned.
In a decision that all but guarantees that Donald Trump will be president again, a Manhattan grand jury voted to indict (or in Trump’s words, “indicate”) the former leader of the free world. The reality TV star and famed snake oil salesman was brought up on charges involving payments made during the 2016 presidential campaign to silence claims of an extramarital sexual affair with a pornstar. Let’s be honest, none of this is surprising. None of this is really news. And none of this will stop millions of Americans from voting for the bozo in next year’s presidential election.
But don’t go celebrating just yet, I have a hard time believing we’ll ever see Trump in an orange jumpsuit, and I doubt his mugshot will be going public, unless it’s AI-generated. The New York Times reports that he’s “expected to turn himself in early next week and will probably travel to New York from his home in Florida”, so it’s safe to assume he’s maxing and relaxing for the foreseeable future. For most people in this country, being charged with a crime doesn’t come with this luxury of choice as to when you stroll into the clink.
The only real silver lining of this indictment is that it produces the first ever criminal case against a former US president. This potentially opens the door for possible crimes against humanity charges for former presidents like George W. Bush, Barack Obama, and even Joey Biden (I think the walking skeleton of Jimmy Carter has enough problems as is).
Side Items
Black Hawk(s) Down: Two Black Hawk military medical evacuation helicopters crashed during a nighttime training exercise in Kentucky Wednesday night, killing all nine soldiers aboard. Of course the military is reluctant to provide additional details, so we’re unlikely to ever find out the reason behind this accident. Usually this type of thing only happens when we’re terrorizing locals in Somalia or the Middle East
(DJ Khaled voice) Anotha One: A train carrying ethanol and corn syrup derailed in Minnesota and several cars burst into flames early yesterday, triggering officials to evacuate residents living near the crash site. We’re reaching a point where train derailments are considered almost as routine as school shootings. What a time to be alive in America
Palestinian Soccer Game Tear-Gassed: Apartheid Israeli forces broke into the Faisal Al Husseini international stadium last night and indiscriminantly fired tear gas onto the pitch and into the stands during the final of the Abu Ammar Cup. The attack appears to be unprovoked (surprise surprise) and the corrupt apartheid authorities have yet to issue a statement regarding the incident or why troops were ordered to attack players and fans. The game had to be paused for an hour while players and fans were treated. Jabal Al-Mukaber wound up winning the cup final, 1-0, because at the end of the day, no amount of occupation or intimidation or violence will ever extinguish the flame of Palestinian resistance