Friday, December 2: Dispatch From the Queen's Resting Place
Apparently the old lady is still dead over here
As I write this post, I sit at an empty gate in London’s Heathrow Airport, flanked on one side by a Gordon Ramsay restaurant and within 50 yards/meters of a Louis Vuitton airport shop. A cloud of solemness hangs over the city, possibly a result of the queen dying a few weeks back, but more likely the result of the consistently disgusting weather out here. Thus far I’ve avoided detection as an American, but I think people are starting to suspect that I don’t belong here.
I was recently made aware by a loyal reader of the growing problem of online gambling here in England. Apparently, the Brits are almost as bad at gambling online as they are at maintaining an empire that spans the globe. Britain is the world’s biggest regulated online gambling market, and one of the most liberalized. UK authorities have outsourced consumer protections for the most part to gambling addicts, a tactic that shockingly hasn’t worked out well. People are expected to self-exclude from gambling websites if they develop a problem, which is like giving a child open access to the cookie jar and expecting them not to spoil their appetite. Or, as one gambling insider says, “It’s like a young kid going into a pub for a shandy for their first drink and the barman gives them a free triple brandy.” (proper English banter)
British lawmakers who have spoken out against increased regulation have also conveniently accepted thousands of pounds in hospitality from gambling companies, and regularly receive free tickets to top-flight sporting events, what we in the States might call bribes. Meanwhile, approximately 400 suicides — or around 8% of all suicides — in England are estimated to be linked to gambling each year. This is in addition to the lives it disrupts through broken marriages, bankruptcy, homelessness, and crime.
Everyone mourns in their own way, some wait in line for days to see a box that holds the remains of an old lady, others drown their sorrows in online gambling on their phones. There’s no right way to lament the loss of a monarch, only varying degrees of self-destruction.
Side Items
IRS is Desperate: The IRS, also known as the worst government agency in existence, is now warning Americans that they must report any payments over $600 on Venmo, PayPal, or Zelle. So if you’re thinking about paying me a gift, make sure it’s $599 or less, because these greedy bastards are after all of our lucky charms
Railroad Executives Are Robber Barons: This wonderful read provides insight into why railroad executives are so unwilling to give workers paid sick leave. The problem, in short, is capitalism in a nutshell. When the sole focus of any industry is squeezing every cent out of their laborers, the logical end result is that workers might feel short-changed. The easy solution would be to give the workers a few days off every once in awhile, or to at least negotiate with them in good faith. Unfortunately, this is not the route that executives or politicians have offered, so the prospect of a strike grows with each passing day of inaction
Unsubscribing from All Things Kanye: This is the last time I’ll mention the rapper formerly known as Kanye, now known as Ye or “the most divorced man in modern history”. Divorced from Kim Kardashian, divorced from his children, and seemingly divorced from reality. Ye made an appearance on Alex Jones’ Infowars show yesterday, where he openly admitted to liking Hitler and claimed that Nazis aren’t all bad. At this point it’s clear that the outrageous comments aren’t just for show, this is a person with seriously problematic beliefs, and frankly, I’m more than happy to never listen to his voice again
World Cup Recap
In arguably the most exciting day of World Cup play thus far, Japan beat Spain 2-1, knocking Germany out of the tournament via a controversial goal that may or may not have, but definitely did, go out of bounds. The Germans can now argue amongst themselves about who’s to blame, but the end result is unchanged
Belgium were finally exposed as the frauds they’ve always been, as the Golden Generation fell short of advancing out of their group. Romelu Lukaku missed several clear chances, dooming the Red Devils to four years of contemplating what could have been
Morocco finished at the top of their group after a 2-1 victory over Canada, and the Atlas Lions now carry the hopes of millions on their shoulders. Their play thus far has been nothing short of impressive, and they’ve earned my admiration and support for as long as they continue fighting