Friday, August 12: The CDC Gives Up
As it turns out, we were always on our own
In a move that’s practically guaranteed to backfire, the CDC updated their guidelines for living with Covid yesterday, removing quarantine and testing requirements and allowing businesses and schools to hold sick workers hostage once again. The move is an open indication that we collectively failed to deal with the most pressing public health crisis in decades. Years from now, scholars will look back on this period of time in wonder. Some countries enforced stay-at-home measures, others tested rigorously and employed broad surveillance methods to monitor public health. Meanwhile, in the United States, masks were made a joke and the geriatric president tried to seem tough by working while showing symptoms of a virus that killed more than a million Americans.
“We know that Covid-19 is here to stay.”
Greta Massetti, C.D.C. epidemiologist/world-renowned buzzkill
These new guidelines mark a shift from risk avoidance to risk reduction and place any responsibility and blame solely in the hands of individuals. Instead of recommending people keep six feet of social distance, the CDC simply notes that this is a strategy people may want to consider. Rather than promote the vaccine that cost untold hours and millions of dollars to develop, the CDC kinda shrugs and says, “I guess it’s all good bro”. The CDC basically became my Little League baseball coach who would yell, “You’re alright, rub some dirt in it,” if any of the players got injured (shoutout Coach Bunn). Meanwhile, ~500 Americans died from Covid yesterday, with an additional 500 scheduled for today, tomorrow, and every day for the foreseeable future.
What a shame, I thought we’d really turn things around in year 3 of the pandemic.
Congress is expected to pass the climate bill later today, so if you have democrat friends, be sure to check up on them as they’re sure to be congratulating themselves in the wake of this ‘achievement’
10 tons of dead fish inexplicably washed up on the Oder River in Poland, requiring military assistance to help clean the mess. Lord, I can’t begin to imagine what 10 tons of dead fish smells like
Some jackass walked into the FBI field office in Cincinnati armed with a gun and bad intentions yesterday, so naturally he was killed. Preliminary reports indicate he may or may not have been, but almost definitely was, present at the January 6 flash mob in DC
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